im writing this today as a start of sumthin that i hope will change the way i am. im 25 and my life up to now has been a pile of shit i don't no were to begin but i will anyway. my life has been spriling out of control for bout 13 years now since my farther died whilst working in germany as a builder and ever since then ive takin all the drugs that you can think im not proud of that but it was a way of seperating myself from the hurt and the world because at the time my mother was obviously going through and equaly tough time and i had no real support and i felt as if i could not talk to her or reliy on her at all and to top it all off her way of getting to grips was to isolate her self from everyone. so drugs were the best option then and thats when the shit hit the fan i was cuming home off my face every night druged up pissed wot ever i could get my hands on at the time and my mum just couldent handle it we were arguing alot and the more we argued the more i got wasted and i started nicking of my mum to pay for wot at the time i thought i needed because at the time i was mentaly dependent and i could not bare a day wit out sumthin just so i didnt feel normal dont get me wrong im not saying wot i did was exceptable not by a long way but at the time i did and finaly mum cracked and she just exploded all the pent up aggresion that had built up just came out and she knocked seven shadeds of shit out of me (which mite i add i deserved) but wot happend next i did not expect social services took me in to care and slung me in a grotey b&b so i woz rite isolated not able to see my mum or family thats when turnd to crime to feed the monster that wos growing inside me and as u can guess a number of spells in the police station and ultimately prison but the one thing that i can say is that a short stay at H.M.P'S pleaser sorted me out when i was in there i contacted my mum who had got a new husband by then and we got back talking and when i got out she moved me up north to help me get back onb my feet but it didnt last long her new husband is a cock everything i do is wrong to him and i was strat back on the drugs but i learnt that the best way to feed a habbit is to work and i did and whilst working i meet a girl wot a mistake she turned out to be a bunny boiling nutter but by the time i found that out she was pregnent with my daughter so i could not leave her and she was making my life hell getting pissed all the time starting arguments over stupid things and turfing me out of the house when it suited her she made me feel so bad and worthless that a number of times i attempted suicide and that made her hold over me more powerful because by then i was noting the only thing good in my life wos my daughter eventualy i got away ufortunitly with out my child but i had no choice and recently ive found out that my child has been taken of her mother and has been adopted hopefully to a loving and caring family that can give her the life that she needs and deserves im now living with a loving carein woman from poland and she is that best but im still a knob shouting at her and still trying to kill myself for sum stupid resons un thinkable maybe to you but make perfect sense to me at the time she is standing by me saying that she sees thye person that i should be its like she is the only one that sees me as who i am and gives me the time and the space to be who i am and thats what i want to be a desent person a normal person some on that my child could be proud of
thank you for taking the time to read my page i will keep the page updated and let you know how its going hopfully it will change its starting slowly but its changing